Monday, June 30, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
George Carlin dead at 71 - revisited
To say I am devastated is an understatement.
http://www.mahalo.com/George_Carlin_Dead
I have spent a good portion of the day looking at various YouTube clips reminiscing and marveling on how good he was at pointing out both how similar we all are and how our government & big business fuck us on a daily basis.
Some of my favorite Carlin quotes:
"Do you know why they call it a blow JOB? It implies there's a work ethic attached. . . makes you feel like you did something good for the economy."
"I don't understand it. . .selling is legal. . . .fucking is legal. . . . .why isn't selling fucking legal. Why should it be illegal to sell something that is perfectly legal to give away?"
"Did you ever notice how your "shit" is "stuff" and their "stuff" is "shit"?"
Also, given that I just spent 5 hours on a flight that should have been 2 1/2, I figured that I would include one of my favorite Carlin sketches on flying:
http://www.mahalo.com/George_Carlin_Dead
I have spent a good portion of the day looking at various YouTube clips reminiscing and marveling on how good he was at pointing out both how similar we all are and how our government & big business fuck us on a daily basis.
Some of my favorite Carlin quotes:
"Do you know why they call it a blow JOB? It implies there's a work ethic attached. . . makes you feel like you did something good for the economy."
"I don't understand it. . .selling is legal. . . .fucking is legal. . . . .why isn't selling fucking legal. Why should it be illegal to sell something that is perfectly legal to give away?"
"Did you ever notice how your "shit" is "stuff" and their "stuff" is "shit"?"
Also, given that I just spent 5 hours on a flight that should have been 2 1/2, I figured that I would include one of my favorite Carlin sketches on flying:
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Bush's Resume
This individual seeks an executive position. He will be available January 2009, and is willing to relocate.
RESUME
GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , DC 20520
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
Military
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
College
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS
- I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
- I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
- I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
- With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT
- I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
- I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
- I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
- I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
- I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
- I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
- I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
- I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
- My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
- My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
- I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
- I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
- I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
- I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
- I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
- I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
- I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
- I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
- I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
- I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
- I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
- I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
- I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
- I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
- I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
- I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.
- In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
- I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
- I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
- I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES
-All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
- All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
- All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
RESUME
GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington , DC 20520
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
Military
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
College
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS
- I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
- I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
- I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
- With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT
- I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
- I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
- I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
- I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
- I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
- I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
- I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
- I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
- My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
- My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
- I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
- I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
- I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
- I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
- I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
- I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
- I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
- I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
- I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
- I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
- I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
- I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
- I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
- I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
- I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
- I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.
- In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
- I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
- I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
- I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES
-All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
- All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
- All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Someone please explain this to me
Harvey Korman. . . . Dead
Bo Diddley . . . . Dead
Tim Russert . . . . Dead
Stan Winston . . . . Dead
Paris Hilton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .Injured
Bo Diddley . . . . Dead
Tim Russert . . . . Dead
Stan Winston . . . . Dead
Paris Hilton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . .Injured
Monday, June 09, 2008
Bill O vs. Bill M
Porter Barry from the O'Reilly Factor attempts to ambush Bill Moyers. However, after Moyers defends himself quite well, Mr. Barry gets a taste of his own medicine as the other reporters in the area stomp on him like Philly cops on a car full of black guys (for those of you not quite in tune with the reference, read this).
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
The Newest Club Drug: Preparation H
Ok, it's meant to be put ON your asshole, not on your whole body if you ARE one (sorry, too easy).
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Who let this dumbass become a teacher?!
Oh wait, it's Florida. I think you only need to demonstrate you have thumbs (officially classifying you as a minority).
http://mahalo.com/Alex_Barton
http://mahalo.com/Alex_Barton
Monday, May 26, 2008
FOX Pundit Wishes for Obama Assassination, Laughs
Jeffrey Feldman: FOX Pundit Wishes for Obama Assassination, Laughs - Media on The Huffington Post
Yes, Liz Trotta from Fox News actually said she supported the assasination of Obama. The video is embedded in Feldman's excellent post so I will not go too far in depth, except that I will remind everyone how to convey your outrage and disgust over this monster's comments:
U.S. Secret Service
Office of Government and Public Affairs
245 Murray Drive,
Building 410,
Washington, DC 20223
202-406-5708
Email: http://www.secretservice.gov/contact_usss.shtml
------------------------
FILE A COMPLAINT WITH THE FCC
http://esupport.fcc.gov/complaints.htm
---------------------------------------
(212) 734-7543
340 E. 66th St
New York, NY 10065
---------------------
Verizon (commercial aired after her comments)
Eric Rabe
Vice President, Media Relations
(908) 559-3500
eric.rabe@verizon.com
All subjects
Bill Kula, APR
Director, Media Relations
(972) 718-6924
william.kula@verizon.com
Telephone products & services, brand & reputation, customer service/experience
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Monday, May 05, 2008
Tom Cruise tells Oprah he wants more challenges - Yahoo! News
I've got a challenge for you, Tom . . .convince me you're not gay.
Tom Cruise tells Oprah he wants more challenges - Yahoo! News
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Thank You Gary Shandling
From the latest Real Time with Bill Maher:
"It does seem that Hillary Clinton is putting an awful lot of importance on the experience that she gained from being in the White House. To me, using that logic, Monica Lewinsky could be Secretary of Defense. On the 3AM phone call, if you had to make a bet, which of those women was most likely there when the phone rang?"
"It does seem that Hillary Clinton is putting an awful lot of importance on the experience that she gained from being in the White House. To me, using that logic, Monica Lewinsky could be Secretary of Defense. On the 3AM phone call, if you had to make a bet, which of those women was most likely there when the phone rang?"
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Polygamy doesn't seem to be all it's cracked up to be
Ok, so I am watching TV as usual after a long day at work, and I see headline "Polygamist cult raided". Ok, let's take a look. . . . .multiple wives . . . compound in Texas . . . sounds very Waco-like.
As a hard-working American male, my next question is, of course . . . any of them hot?
Let's take a look . . . . hmmm. . .Fox News tends to have a higher ratio of titty to facts. . . let's see. . .and. . .
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OHHH THE HUMANITY! OHHH THE HUMANITY!!!
Jeez a loo, what IS this, a fucking ricketts telethon? I'm trying. . . trying hard here. . .let's look at a few more pages. . . oh no, it's getting worse. . . . but I can't stop. . . it's like driving by a wreck off to the shoulder. . . I need to slow down a see the carnage. . . . ok, wait, maybe if she had better clothes, a trip to Sephora, better haircut. . .nope, nope, still fucking hideous.
Koresh did a far better job with choosing a genetic starter pack in the quest to build a better society.
As a hard-working American male, my next question is, of course . . . any of them hot?
Let's take a look . . . . hmmm. . .Fox News tends to have a higher ratio of titty to facts. . . let's see. . .and. . .
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OHHH THE HUMANITY! OHHH THE HUMANITY!!!
Jeez a loo, what IS this, a fucking ricketts telethon? I'm trying. . . trying hard here. . .let's look at a few more pages. . . oh no, it's getting worse. . . . but I can't stop. . . it's like driving by a wreck off to the shoulder. . . I need to slow down a see the carnage. . . . ok, wait, maybe if she had better clothes, a trip to Sephora, better haircut. . .nope, nope, still fucking hideous.
Koresh did a far better job with choosing a genetic starter pack in the quest to build a better society.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Daily Kos: State of the Nation
I am convinced that Charles Gibson's next gig will be on Fox News a la Brit Hume.....
Monday, July 25, 2005
Spending $ on IRAQ - an alternative
Rather than playing Monday morning quarterback on how we could have spent the Iraq war funds more wisely, let's look forward, given that we are expecting to spend at least another $136 Billion over the coming year:
- 82 Billion approved in May
- An additional 45 Billion being debated by the house (and dumb'ya hasn't even asked for this $ yet!)
- Medal of Freedom winner Paul Bremer and his $9 Billion in Iraqi oil revenues courtesy of the Coalition Provisional Authoritay (shit
, getting too serious about a war we were led into with false data, senators who are frigin MDs yet think that sharing a toilet seat can spread AIDS, and a clinically retarded president depresses me too much, so I am compelled to insert various movie or television references from time to time to pep things up a bit. The ‘authoritay’ misspelling is courtesy of Eric Cartman).
Ok, so let's tackle something kind of important, like, say, our dwindling engineering talent. The latest Forbes points out that only 3 percent of our college grads are obtaining engineering degrees in contrast to 30 (yes, THIRTY) percent of grads in India and China. Let's look at the basic consequences, too:
- Lack of engineering talent = lack of manufacturing jobs = increase in trade deficit
- Security = A good chunk of our military is now XBox-based. Innovation in our military branches results from good engineering practices (such as decision support tools, guidance systems, and tactical measures). Also, do you trust foreign governments with access to system source code for our defense systems?
Allright, so I won't go as far as tree hugging, but let's also look at a domestic issue that seems to get overlooked too often: homelessness. Specifically, homeless children. You know, the ones who are on the street not because they made stupid choices, or are mentally handicapped, or got laid off & missed a few rent payments, but because of other circumstances COMPLETELY beyond their control? I figure, hell, let's help some of our own innocent US CITIZENS who are in a desperate condition before we go and pour money into a government that will be torn apart by civil war in a year or two anyway (yes, I am of the opinion that the sweet smell of freedom and capitalism we keep hoping for will eventually blow away like a fart in the wind to the foul stench of tyranny and oppression).
There are approximately 1.35 Million children on our streets that are homeless. Why not give each of them a $100,000 voucher (Yes, Peter just said "voucher". You may now pick up the food you just spit out) to attend a private technical boarding school for 4 years? That covers room, board, and tuition, and even leaves a billion dollars to handle administrative costs and oversight.
But wait a second, Mr. Ghosh, a technical school (especially if it's a secondary school) does not equal an engineering degree.
Correct, but let's try this, and look at the results in two or three years. Then, if there are positive results, then we spend another 130-150 Billion for their 4-year university degree. Also, we gain from
- Fewer soldiers killed in action (who have families which will not get nearly enough compensation when their only "mission accomplished" is arriving home in a pine box, resulting in more people on the streets)
- Spending 136 Billion every two-three years instead of every year
- More people employed (two $50,000/year teachers vs. one $100,000/year Halliburton contractor)
- More engineers churned out
At the very least, we get street cred by claiming that we removed all kids off the street (albeit only until a new batch gets thrown in) .
Friday, July 22, 2005
Top 20 Movie Quotes of All Time (Forget the AFI)
Top 20 movie quotes of all time
1) "We came, we saw, we kicked it's ASS!" Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters
2) "Wendy, darling, light of my life, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just going to bash your brains in." Jack Nicholson as Jack Torrance, The Shining
3) "How much for the little girl? The women, how much for the women? I want to buy your women. . . the little girl. . . your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your children." John Belushi as Jake Blues, The Blues Brothers
4) "Then as of this moment, they are on double-secret probation" John Vernon as Dean Wormer, Animal House
5) "When Columbus reached the new world, he burned his ships. As a result, his men were well motivated.. . . . .Anatoly, you're afraid of our fleet. Well, you should be. Personally, I give us one chance in three. A little more tea anyone?" Sean Connery as Marco Ramius, The Hunt for Red October
6) "Look, strange women lying on their backs in ponds handing out swords . . . that's no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. . . .You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you. . . .I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away! ......Ah! NOW we see the violence inherent in the system.........Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!" Michael Palin as Dennis, Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
7) "C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czecheslovakia. It's like we're going to Wisconsin." Bill Murray as Pvt. John Winger, Stripes.
8) "I was born a poor black child" Steve Martin as Navin Johnson, The Jerk
9) "And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Dom too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... " Stephen Root as Milton Waddams, Office Space
10) "You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be defended by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? YOU?! YOU, Lieutenant Weinberg?! I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know, that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives, and my existence, while grotesque, and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spend defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the protection I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just say thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn, what you think you are entitled to!" Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan Jessup, A Few Good Men.
11) "What now? Well let me tell you what now. I'm gonna call a couple pipe-hittin' ni%$ers, who'll go to work on homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin' hillbilly boy?! I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'm gonna git medieval on your ass." Ving Rhames as Marcellus Wallace, Pulp Fiction.
12) "Sometimes I wonder if I've changed so much, my wife is even gonna recognize me whenever it is I get back to her, and how I'll ever be able to tell about days like today. Ryan? I don't know anything about Ryan, I don't care. The man means nothing to me; he's just a name. But you know, if going to Remal, and finding him so he can go home, if that earns me the right to get back to my wife, well then, then that's my mission." Tom Hanks as Captain Miller, Saving Private Ryan.
13) "Maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events but we just got our asses kicked, pal!" Bill Paxton as Pvt. Hudson, Aliens.
14) "You know, we are sitting here, you and I, like a couple of regular fellas. You do what you do, and I do what I gotta do. And now that we've been face to face, if I'm there and I gotta put you away, I won't like it. But I tell you, if it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, brother, you are going down." Al Pacino as Vincent Hanna, Heat.
15) "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend." Morgan Freeman as Ellis Boyd "Red" Redding, The Shawshank Redemption
16) "If you're part of a crew, nobody ever tells you that they're going to kill you, doesn't happen that way. There weren't any arguments or curses like in the movies. See, your murderers come with smiles, they come as your friends, the people who've cared for you all of your life. And they always seem to come at a time that you're at your weakest and most in need of their help." Ray Liotta as Henry Hill, Goodfellas.
17) "I... I don't know exactly how to put this, sir, but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be? I mean, he'll see everything, he'll... he'll see the Big Board!" George C. Scott as Gen. Buck Turgidson, Dr. Strangelove.
18) "I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." Mr. Garrison, South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.
19) "You just fulfilled the first rule of law enforcement: make sure when your shift is over you go home alive. Here endeth the lesson." Sean Connery as Officer Jim Malone, The Untouchables.
20) "Laugh while you can, monkey boy." John Lithgow as Lord John Worfin, The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension.
1) "We came, we saw, we kicked it's ASS!" Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters
2) "Wendy, darling, light of my life, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just going to bash your brains in." Jack Nicholson as Jack Torrance, The Shining
3) "How much for the little girl? The women, how much for the women? I want to buy your women. . . the little girl. . . your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your children." John Belushi as Jake Blues, The Blues Brothers
4) "Then as of this moment, they are on double-secret probation" John Vernon as Dean Wormer, Animal House
5) "When Columbus reached the new world, he burned his ships. As a result, his men were well motivated.. . . . .Anatoly, you're afraid of our fleet. Well, you should be. Personally, I give us one chance in three. A little more tea anyone?" Sean Connery as Marco Ramius, The Hunt for Red October
6) "Look, strange women lying on their backs in ponds handing out swords . . . that's no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. . . .You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you. . . .I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away! ......Ah! NOW we see the violence inherent in the system.........Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!" Michael Palin as Dennis, Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
7) "C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czecheslovakia. It's like we're going to Wisconsin." Bill Murray as Pvt. John Winger, Stripes.
8) "I was born a poor black child" Steve Martin as Navin Johnson, The Jerk
9) "And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Dom too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire... " Stephen Root as Milton Waddams, Office Space
10) "You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be defended by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? YOU?! YOU, Lieutenant Weinberg?! I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know, that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives, and my existence, while grotesque, and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spend defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the protection I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just say thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn, what you think you are entitled to!" Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan Jessup, A Few Good Men.
11) "What now? Well let me tell you what now. I'm gonna call a couple pipe-hittin' ni%$ers, who'll go to work on homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin' hillbilly boy?! I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'm gonna git medieval on your ass." Ving Rhames as Marcellus Wallace, Pulp Fiction.
12) "Sometimes I wonder if I've changed so much, my wife is even gonna recognize me whenever it is I get back to her, and how I'll ever be able to tell about days like today. Ryan? I don't know anything about Ryan, I don't care. The man means nothing to me; he's just a name. But you know, if going to Remal, and finding him so he can go home, if that earns me the right to get back to my wife, well then, then that's my mission." Tom Hanks as Captain Miller, Saving Private Ryan.
13) "Maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events but we just got our asses kicked, pal!" Bill Paxton as Pvt. Hudson, Aliens.
14) "You know, we are sitting here, you and I, like a couple of regular fellas. You do what you do, and I do what I gotta do. And now that we've been face to face, if I'm there and I gotta put you away, I won't like it. But I tell you, if it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, brother, you are going down." Al Pacino as Vincent Hanna, Heat.
15) "I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend." Morgan Freeman as Ellis Boyd "Red" Redding, The Shawshank Redemption
16) "If you're part of a crew, nobody ever tells you that they're going to kill you, doesn't happen that way. There weren't any arguments or curses like in the movies. See, your murderers come with smiles, they come as your friends, the people who've cared for you all of your life. And they always seem to come at a time that you're at your weakest and most in need of their help." Ray Liotta as Henry Hill, Goodfellas.
17) "I... I don't know exactly how to put this, sir, but are you aware of what a serious breach of security that would be? I mean, he'll see everything, he'll... he'll see the Big Board!" George C. Scott as Gen. Buck Turgidson, Dr. Strangelove.
18) "I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." Mr. Garrison, South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.
19) "You just fulfilled the first rule of law enforcement: make sure when your shift is over you go home alive. Here endeth the lesson." Sean Connery as Officer Jim Malone, The Untouchables.
20) "Laugh while you can, monkey boy." John Lithgow as Lord John Worfin, The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension.
Origin of Drunken Manifesto
The drunken manifesto in name was created on Friday, February 4th, 2005. The Eagles were going to the Super Bowl, which made the annual Wing Bowl event in South Philly more special, so I took a 1/2 day off from work, joined some co-workers, and proceeded to drink for about 10 hours straight. After the first few hours of drinking, I visited the Black Sheep Pub and Restaurant to meet up with some old friends, and proceeded to lay out how I could solve all of the world's problems.
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